I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
smell my finger.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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