Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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