she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
