ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
