I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
