Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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