I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He called his prostate his "boner button".
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
