She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
