He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
