found the other keg... it's in the tree
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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