Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
