The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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