i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
