Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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