I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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