I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
