need another drink. this is the easiest way
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
