If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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