i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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