Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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