Tell her she can't have a vagina
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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