Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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