I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
