Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize