so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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