wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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