Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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