I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
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