So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
