Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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