Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
