I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
