i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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