According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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