Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
