I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
