I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
