First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
