And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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