Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
True strength comes from lack of pants
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
