Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
