Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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