This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
