I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize