i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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