I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
