I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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