Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
True strength comes from lack of pants
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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