Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
