I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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