New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
