They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
