She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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