i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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