i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
