Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
