you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize