You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
