oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
