Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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