There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize