i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
