dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
