i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
