maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
