im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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