She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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