you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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