i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
