I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
