So drunk its hurt
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
