She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I believe in your delicious
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
