Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
