I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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