Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
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