did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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