Where is the hickey?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
