I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
