dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
