you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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