but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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