i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
