Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just found a bag of teeth...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
