We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
