Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
