what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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