non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
cat food counts as protein by the way
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
