Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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