he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
