my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
