Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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