His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
