I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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