just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
