So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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