whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
