I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
