That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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