I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
