at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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