I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My feet surprised me
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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