Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
