You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Randomize
