haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
