There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
