Your mouth is God's brothel.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
