My cat gives me a boner
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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