Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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